Insecurity

I found an article on Yahoo.com (which is undergoing some fantastic changes these days) that really kicked me in the tooth. Since the site is set for my homepage I will typically rummage through headlines to see what's on in the world. When I came across one said article just before going to bed, I was too moved to not write about it. The link is provided here.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/6-signs-partner-secretly-unhappy-224700244.html


I can imagine that it caught my interest because no matter how confident I am that my loving wife loves me, there are too many dramas on tv for me to blindly believe I am producing the happiest wife in existence. So I looked it up and discovered more about myself than any other particular person. Specifically the note that the accumulation of stuff is a sign that one is insecure.

The thought isn't new to modern psychology, nor to any mature adult in the age we live. But the idea is rarely beholden in the mirror. I realized in reading this article that my constant thoughts about technology aren't different at all from the desire that some have to collect furniture, or stamps or to go drinking, or to smoke pot. As common as all of these activities are, what is more common still is the ultimate goal of each activity: escapism.

In fact, the vast majority of addictions are a means of escapism, which is a HOT word in the world of gaming. Relation? hmmmm...

Recently I was wondering why I still think about games as much as I did in my childhood. Alone in my thoughts, I was coming to the conclusion that I simply hadn't matured as much as I would have liked, even after all those years in college of not having games readily available to me. But upon reading this article, I'm convinced it has to do mostly with insecurity. If I don't feel accomplished in my life, I think about what games I want to play. Conversely, if I succeed or even excel at something, games are the last thing on my mind; not just in the moment, but oftentimes for several days following. Yesterday I sold my very first house as a real estate agent. When I went to pick up my 3DS today out of habit, I put it down less than five minutes later because I couldn't maintain an interest in it. After several passing conversations at work today and coming to grips with the importance of the job hunt I am undergoing (moving to Texas next week, desperately need job.) All I wanted to do was come home and play games.

As I think more and more about it, videogames were a fair-weather hobby for me growing up. It wasn't until my teens, when I was pulled out of school and began to struggle with loneliness, that it turned into a passionate hobby. As I saw life passing me by and my relationship with my father began to dwindle, games became a bigger and bigger part of it.

Then when I went to college and got saved, videogames went back to being a passive interest again. I did have computer games that I would play, and there were still gaming magazines that I read, but I never put those things above going out and having fun with friends, which is something I find myself doing these days. Video games are very much an escape, as well as a hiding place.

It points to a passionate need for God. Not only in my life, but everyone's. We all have "hobbies" that we have to keep in check, but for some of us its more than a hobby; its a security.

As for the source of my insecurity now, I'm willing to bet it has more to do with money, jobs and income than anything else. Being away from my close friends and family certainly isn't helping anything either. And with my beautiful wife having a baby on the way, the pressure is greater than ever. Part of me wants to hide in a fantasy world, but now that I realize where those desires come from, I just want to be a stronger man. For my wife and for my baby.