Parenting is one of the greatest mysteries of life. Both to a parent and non-parent, the scope of the differences between being a parent and not being one is as wide as the gap between men and women. I knew before my little girl was born that I was going to go through some changes in my life. I had no idea it would be this significant. Talking is a common mistake ignorant people make. Like most ignorant people, I did plenty before I was a dad, and I do plenty still. I remember making all kinds of claims about how I would be emotional but not that emotional, how I would do this or that and teach them this is that or make them do that one thing that I never got to do growing up. Its not wrong to make assumptions about your ideal self, but it can hit hard when you find how wrong you were. Besides all of my talk, I also had a lot of fears. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to love my child the way other parents loved theirs. I was worried I wouldn't connect with her, that I wouldn't be comfortable holding her or that I would be driven mad with her constant crying. Strange how all of those things are true about other people's babies, but not my own. I felt a part of my mind being unlocked: Like I gained access to a small portion of that supposedly untapped 90% of the brain everyone has.
Im still in the early stages of this new chapter, yet I am already discovering things about myself that I never knew I was capable of. I can feel myself growing out of bad habits that used to haunt me. I have even less interest than before in the ways of the world; the hip, modern, stylish and new. I care less about movements and the latest gossip. In contrast, I find myself more and more concerned about where our government is going, how our education is lacking, how the economy is doing, and where our nation as a whole is headed.
The person I want to be now for my little girl and for my wife is becoming an even more difficult goal, but again, there is a sense of urgency and resolve welling up inside me that simply didn't exist before Peighton was born.
Also, I never quite understood what it was for parents to "have joy" in their kids. Now it makes perfect sense. When an older person would tell me about the "joy of parenthood" it sounded like some intentionally vague description to avoid sounding like they hated it. I understand now that it is the most perfect way to describe it. Being a daddy just makes me happy.
It's still early to say definitively, but I now have a renewed zeal in Christ as well. There are plenty of things happening that could just as easily be attributed to this however. Nonetheless I am excited that I have a growing concern for the things of God, and I hope it becomes a bigger deal in my life as I continue to grow as a Christian, husband and parent. As I see some of my closest friends becoming or expecting to be fathers, I get happy for them. They're about to enter a whole new life. One that's grand, life-altering and ultimately happier than anything they've yet experienced.
